Is it discriminatory to have a racial preference when it comes to dating? Is it okay to have someone’s skin colour be the reason as to why you find them unattractive or attractive, their skin colour is something that you can clearly see, and thus you should be able to confidently say as to whether you find that particular skin colour appealing to you. It is very likely that there are people who you think are more physically attractive than other people. Well, like most things in life, it's complicated.
Dating preferences are not absent from having their nuances. There are a lot of factors that come into play that influence a person's perception of what they find attractive. Those factors could be the media, cultural standards, religious reasons, social upbringings, etc… The question at hand here is whether are not it is okay for one to have a person's race be the reason as to why they choose not to get into any kind of intimate relationship with said individual. People clearly have some preferences when it comes to dating, there are a variety of things a person may find in another individual that makes them romantically or sexually attracted to them such as height, freckles, muscles, sense of humor, taste in music/movies or art, etc… Therefore it surely is okay to have a bias for certain races when it comes to dating preferences?
The image shown below is a Quartz infographic that shows the percentage of people responding to a “yes” on AreYouInterested(AYI), by the gender and race of both parties.
Below is the 2014 OKCupid statistics which graphed the match scores of sexes vs race. It measures the percentage of OKCupid quick match scores of certain races against the average.
There are reasons for the trends we see from the data provided. The media often sets euro-centric beauty standards. They have a history of debasing people of colour for their appearances. Examples would include ad campaigns that view black African hair as “untidy” or “unprofessional”. Fashion designers often do not select POC models as they believe that they “do not fit the aesthetic” or “They do not sell well”. Society has been condition to see white people as the standard/norm of beauty and thus our dating preferences may be the product of this. Hence why people of colour who appear on media platforms or who are meant to represent “black beauty” are often whitewashed having light skin or long straight hair and other white feature.
Having one's race be the standard/norm of what is considered to be beautiful leads to having people of other races be seen as sexual fantasies. The white race is enforced as the norm and other races get fetishized and seen as “exotic”. Asian and Arabic women are fetishized as being submissive, obedient, and or docile. Due to the increase in anime viewership around the world, there are growing fetishes towards Asian females (However none for Asian males) as people hope that Asian women may fulfill their “anime fantasy”. South African coloured women are fetishized as being fiery, exciting, and dangerous. Black and coloured South African males are fetishized for being virile, hyper-masculine, and hypersexual. Having people fetishize over a particular race may result in people only dating within that race in order to feed their desires. Thus excluding all other races from their dating pool.
When people decide to exclude other races from their dating pool it can be used as a defense mechanism in order to possibly assimilate or try to relate to a particular environment. A classic example would be a black male teenager who attends a majority white model C school and in order to relate to his white friends he would assimilate to the culture that is around him, and unfortunately, the aftermath of this would result in him saying statements such as “I’m not into black girls”, and would often fall victim to believing in stereotypes that plague black women such as that they are loud, brash or angry. There is a prevalence in black and brown men (who attend model C schools) to date outside of their race in an attempt to further remove themselves from their race so they may fit in their environment.
In places where certain races would be a minority, people will decide to only date their race and exclude all other races from their dating pool. This can be viewed as a defense mechanism. If certain races are minorities in their environment they can be taken advantage of and debased by their community. They often fall victim to being seeing as fetishes for people to go after. Black women have been debased for generations because of how they look. They do not fit society's flawed view of what is considered to be beautiful and have to go to overwhelming lengths to try and meet society's standards of beauty but more often than not they get exotified and their features are turned into jokes, trends, and or fetishes. Therefore black women often desire to date within their race pool. They avoid uncomfortable situations that come with interracial dating where their partner only dates them to satisfy their curiosity or fetishes. This defense mechanism is often applied to people of colour that are minorities in their environment (places such as Europe, North America).
We have observed that having or not having an interest in someone because of their race is not just a personal inclination. There are clear trends in the preferences of people. Therefore is it okay to have race be a factor for finding someone attractive? It is evident that people who do have a racial bias when dating are not just looking at skin colour. There are connotations and stigmas that they are taking into account when thinking of someone’s race. People are attracted or unattracted to the ideas they have of the person and tend to treat them as objects or archetypes. Examples may be that people date a white male because they think that they’ll have financial stability or they may not date a white male as they might think that they are boring or not exciting. People will date a coloured male thinking that they’ll have a thrilling and exciting lifestyle, or they may not decide to date them as they associate them with danger, and or financial unreliability. These types of stereotypes come into play when people look at a person’s skin colour and decide as to whether they want to date them or not. This ultimately results in people having a racial preference when it comes to dating.
Grindr, a dating app for people of the LGBTQ+ community, had decided to remove its ethnicity filter. These filters allowed users to exclude potential matches by their race. These ethnicity filters were often met with criticism and in light of Black Lives Matter protests, they decided to remove the filter. Some view this as a way of challenging racist behaviour but one could argue that it removes a vital feature for people of colour who are minorities in their environment. Many people of colour who live in majority-white areas, rely on these filters to find each other. It can often be used as a defense mechanism to avoid being fetishized, marginalized, and being seen as an archetype by other races. Is it okay to force dating apps to remove their ethnicity filters? We cannot force people to start being open to dating people of all races. Having a racial bias when dating is not necessarily infringing on the human rights of other people.
One's racial preferences are not just random personal inclinations. Dating preferences likely stem from racially discriminatory and racially stereotypical backgrounds. After reading this article we cannot expect people to suddenly change their views and be open to dating people of all races. However, it is important to remove and undo any teachings of racial discrimination, prejudice, or stereotypes that one holds. It may be a step in the right direction in removing any racial bias in dating that we may hold because to put it into plain and simple terms; Having a racial preference when dating is wrong.
Comments